Four Qualities Your Christian Counselor Needs to Have
In the two previous blogs in this Finding the Right Counselor series, we looked at the Steps to Get You to That First Appointment and 3 Things Your Counselor Needs to Believe. Today let’s look at the Four Qualities Your Christian Counselor Needs to Have.
First, they need to be an excellent listener. Communication is a two part process. It takes a speaker and a listener. Both are essential to good communication. As a counselor, if I do not listen well to the people I counsel, I’m not doing my job. Next to God, they know themselves and their situation better than anyone else. Listening allows me to ask the right questions to help people dig deeper into their situation and see a broader perspective. Listening helps me understand the people I counsel. Plus, when I listen well, it sets an example for them to listen well - first to God and then to me as their counselor.
Second, they need to be empathetic. I will never go through the same things that the people I see go through. I will never experience their hurt or pain. All of these are unique to them and their marriage. Yet, I can empathize with them. I can put myself in their shoes and try to see things from their perspective. I want them to know that I care about them. I see a number of people each day I am in our counseling center, but I want each person or couple to feel like they are the only patient I am seeing that day.
Third, they need to put God first in their life. It’s probably the most important thing for a counselor to do. In my marriage when I put God first, guess who He puts in second place? Nancy. When I put God first as a counselor, it clears away all the distractions that keep me from being the counselor God created me to be. It creates a connection with God that gives me insight, wisdom and answers that I would never have without Him. It’s a choice: Do I operate each day as a counselor out of my power or God’s power? It’s a no-brainer. God’s power, hands down!
Fourth, they need to have a good marriage. My experience tells me that the best marriage counselors are those that have a good marriage. It does not have to be perfect, but when a counselor has been married a number of years, they have a long string of marriage experiences. They have seen problems and issues and all the negative things that can hit a marriage. They have seen God bring healing and growth, one problem and one issue at a time. For Nancy and me, God has used our marriage to grow us closer to each other and to Him. I would not be the counselor I am today without our marriage experiences and God’s answers to them, and this gives me hope for what He can and will do with every single couple I see in counseling.
There you go. Those are the four qualities I would want my Christian counselor to have.
They are a good listener
They are empathetic
They put God first in their life
They have a good marriage
My goal was to take some of the guesswork and maybe even the fear out of going to a Christian marriage counselor. If I have succeeded, the next step is up to you. Make that first appointment and start that journey towards an Awesome Marriage!