Your Spouse May Never Be Good At This

Here is something I desperately want you to know: Your spouse is good at other things. 

Do you know those cheesy minute-to-win-it type games that display a silly skill? The kind of thing that looks easy, but once you try it you realize it’s almost impossible? Well in college one night at a Christian Organization event there was one of those games: a coin flipping challenge. 

My dear friend Leslie could not successfully flip the coin to save her life. It was comical. It was especially hilarious because Leslie is very poised, competent, and talented at many things. Seeing her fail at a silly game had several friends snickering. 

In desperation she exclaimed, “Why do I suck at this?!” to which I replied, “It’s okay Leslie, you’re good at other things.” Everyone laughed at my overly encouraging response and it became a mantra for my friend group whenever one of us felt defeated. When we messed up, failed, or got a bad grade on a test we would pat each other on the back and say, “It’s okay friend, you’re good at other things.” 

The same applies to your marriage. Let me explain. You see, your spouse sucks. It’s true. It’s true for you. It’s true for all of us, even if we have an awesome marriage. 

Your spouse sucks at some things just like you suck at some things. No one can be great at everything and no one can be all things to all people. 

The real problem isn’t that our spouse isn’t great at everything, it’s that we won’t let go of the fact that they aren’t great at that one thing we want them to do.

Your spouse could be doing a million things right in your relationship but it’s that one thing that you’ve been trying to fix about them for years that you can’t get your focus off of. Could it be that your spouse doesn’t really suck like you think they do? Could it be that your spouse is good at other things but you’re missing it because you’re focused on one shortcoming they have?

Our fleshy hearts cling to the negative and have this destructive way of never being satisfied. We have to fight this! We have to have grace for our spouse’s shortcomings. We have to be intentional to see what they are good at. 

I’m not funny. It’s not in my nature. It’s not a gift I possess. Even when I try to be funny it falls flat 90% of the time. If Dylan is waiting for me to be funny, he is going to be waiting a long time. Maybe forever. 

How about something a little more personal that actually does cause some real damage: I’m loud and I talk too much. If Dylan is waiting for me to be poised and say the right thing at the right time and stop saying stupid things at the wrong time, he is going to be waiting a long time. Maybe our whole earthly lives. 

I know I’m loud and I know I talk too much, which means sometimes I say things I shouldn’t. I know I should filter more and be more thoughtful with my speech. It is something I work on. But it’s just very difficult for me to do. I’ve grown in this area but 9 years and counting and I still blurt out unhelpful things at impromptu times. Even though I pray and work on this, I don’t think I am going to see anything close to perfection in this area of my life. 

But I’m good at other things! I’m kind, I’m a good listener, I ask good questions, I’m encouraging. I have other qualities that make me a good wife even if the fact that I’m loud and I talk too much causes issues for Dylan sometimes. 

The sooner we realize our spouse might always suck at that specific thing we wish they were good at, the quicker we can find contentment and peace in our marriage. Do the work to intentionally remember the good in your spouse. What is your spouse good at? Focus on those things. 

Have grace for the areas that your spouse may always fall short at because you too need grace in certain areas. Find peace and contentment in the fact that your spouse is good at other things.