Proactivity: It’s not just for beauty hacks
The year I turned 13, my hair changed from smooth to fluffy, puffy curls. Middle school was already tough, but it felt tougher when I started getting teased for my frizz. It drew attention because it was so much bigger than the average head of hair. The boy who sat behind me in math class complained he couldn’t see around my “wall of hair.” Disco hair is cool if that’s what you’re going for, but a bit embarrassing if it’s an accident.
I realized I needed to make some changes. I was on a frizz-fighting quest! I don’t remember where I learned that you don’t brush curly hair, but that was a total game changer. See ya later, disco fluff! I scoured magazines for tips and experimented with every hair remedy I found: Mayonnaise as a hair mask, smashed avocado (or bananas, or egg whites) as conditioner, horse “mane and tail” shampoo, cider vinegar instead of shampoo to “wash” with (I do not recommend!); use a flour sack instead of a towel to dry with… I could keep going, but this is not actually a hair blog!
Over the years, I pretty much got my curl system down. I have ways to wash, dry, style and sleep that keep my hair decently maintained. But to this day, you can still find me in the hair care aisle on a regular basis, reading label after label, looking for a new magic product that will truly fight the frizz. Who has the blind optimism of a curly girl in the hair care aisle? Even when it’s pretty good, I’m never fully content - It could always get better!
Recently I realized my constant search to improve shouldn’t stop with hair! I started applying the “always improve” mindset to my marriage. It seems obvious as I view it in this light, but one downside of a decent marriage is that it can be easy to take for granted. For us, there are times we really have to fight to make it work. But in times of relative security, when we don’t have obvious issues and glaring problems, I can easily settle into our usual patterns and habits. But what if there’s something better than “usual?” What if God’s vision for our marriage is a lot bigger than ours and we don’t even know it?
I have been looking for the little ways to shift from okay to awesome. Some small things that have made a big difference for me?
Paying attention to his love languages and speaking into them
Asking, “What’s one way I can help you today?”
Initiating sex earlier in the night instead of waiting until I’m exhausted and saying “no”
Saying the good things I notice and appreciate
Focusing on building our marriage and family up, not on feeling let down by the faults I see in them
So what’s your thing? What have you been on a quest for? Maybe it’s fitness, beauty tips, tech gadgets, fun Insta accounts to follow, or home decor and organizing. What would happen if you took the same approach to improving your marriage? If you stop wishing things are better or accepting “good enough,” and start the quest to build your marriage? One huge benefit I’ve found is it takes my focus off what I want him to do for me, and puts it on doing my part, which is all I can do anyway. Proactivity in my marriage means I give time and energy to build it up, and there’s no better way to spend time and energy than on things that align with God’s heart.