Milestones | Part 2
Recently, I have been thinking, writing and talking with Nancy about love. Today, we share some more of our thoughts and conversations.
Dr. Kim: I get emotional when I think of a milestone moment when Nancy was sick and I was not sure if she would make it. Obviously she did, but it made me stop and think about how much I loved her and how empty my life would be without her. God used those times to help me value our love and every day that we have together. It helped me realize that I was spending a lot of time not embracing that love and not cherishing my wife.
One of those milestones was the summer of 1986. That was a big year for us. Nancy and I were asked to go to Amsterdam with a group of Christian counselors. We were really excited. That spring Nancy had been having some abdominal pain. She’d suffered from endometriosis since she was a teenager.
A few years earlier, a doctor we trusted had encouraged her to consider surgery, but with two young kids and a busy life she kept putting it off. I went with her to a consultation appointment and the doctor was emphatic that surgery should not be put off any longer. Nancy promised him she would have the surgery after our trip.
Amsterdam was great. Then on the final leg of our flight home, the reality of the upcoming surgery set in. A week later, we were at the hospital before the sun came up. It was surgery day. Nancy was nervous and it showed on the outside. I was nervous and held it on the inside, as I paced the floor for the two-plus hours of the surgery.
Finally, the doctor came out to talk to me. He said, “The surgery went well, but it was difficult. She will be out of it for a while and very sore.” Nancy was asleep and barely woke up when they moved her from the gurney to the bed.
The next week was a whirlwind. Instead of looking better each day, Nancy looked worse. She was down to 108 pounds and was not much wider than the IV pole she would drag around trying to get some exercise. Something was not right. Finally, as I left her room one night to go home, a nurse called me over. She was worried too. She said there was a woman six months earlier who had the same reactions after the same surgery. When I asked what happened to that woman, the nurse looked me in the eyes and said, “She died.”
That night I didn’t sleep. At six o’clock, I called a good family friend who was one of the best surgeons in the state. He met me at the hospital an hour later. By noon that day, Nancy was back in surgery with the original doctor and a specialist. I remember kissing her as they wheeled her out of the room, wondering if I would see her again. I went to the chapel and prayed. An hour later, a nurse came in to say the doctors were finishing up and would probably be out soon.
Just as I got to the waiting room, here came the two doctors. As a counselor, I am always looking for visual cues so my eyes were fixed on both of them. Then I saw it: They were both smiling. The surgery was successful. Whatever was wrong would be an easy fix. Nancy would be okay. We spent a total of 17 days in the hospital. I never felt closer to her than during that time of crisis. God used it to show me how much I loved her and how precious is each day He gives us together. My love went to a new depth and our marriage went to a new level.
Nancy: Any time you have a medical condition - like my surgery, your cancer surgery, my heart attack, or a bout of depression like we both went through, those times really can draw you closer. In those crises, you really were considerate. I could tell you really loved me and cared about me. That made a big impact on me. I don’t think I grew up knowing what love really was - certainly not in a husband and wife sense. When I was growing up I would just dream that when I was married and had kids my husband would be so in love with me. And it happened! After all of that I realized that’s what I’ve got.
When you had your bout with cancer, I was obviously worried and scared. Yet, through that the Lord comforted me and I felt assured that you would be okay. I don’t think I was prepared for the side effects of it afterwards. That was part of me learning to be patient. I could recall how you’d been patient with me in the past with problems I’d had, and that gave me an example.
I think we have a unique experience. I think we got married too young, and that we gutted it out and committed to one another. I think that’s what hanging in there and giving it your all can do, because now we’re in a relationship that I would go back and do all over again if I had to.
Your Turn:
Has there been a crisis time in your marriage that God used to grow your love?
What did God teach you during that time?
When you think back on that time, what emotions do you feel?