When You Have Sex Matters
When I go shopping with my husband, he has learned one thing: If you are shopping with me don’t you dare put my things on the conveyor belt at check out. If you try I might slap your hand away!
I worked at Food Lion for four years and I’m sorry to tell you, but there is a right way and a wrong way to place things on that conveyor belt. You have to put your groceries on it the right way so they are bagged properly. You can’t just put things that pack well together - that’s only one piece of the equation. You also have to put things in the right order at the right time. You can’t put your bread with other delicate things first, they need to be last so that it doesn’t get smooshed after it’s rung up. There is a best way and a best time to put your groceries on the conveyor belt.
The timing of things matters.
Leadership experts have been preaching this for years: do your work at the time when your mind works best. Organize your life around how you are naturally bent.
If we are working to organize our work around our “best time,” we need to be thinking about our best time when it comes to our marriage too. Our bedroom time is no exception.
It’s been said that men’s sexual passion peaks in the morning while women’s peaks at night. Whether that is true in your own marriage or not, I think it’s important that we pay attention to when our spouse most desires sex.
What time of the day or night do they naturally have a passion for sex? Make sex happen during their peak times whenever you can. It’s a simple way to serve them and let them know they matter to you.
But that’s not all. There are several factors to the “when” of sex to consider. When are you alert and awake? When are you able to give it your all? When are you able to be fully present and focus on the connection?
For the longest time my husband and I mostly just had sex right before bed. I think that’s a pretty normal thing for most couples. It seems to be convenient because sex usually happens in bed and you’re both going to bed. Makes sense.
But after having kids we were both so much more tired right before bed. Right before bed was no longer the best time to make love. So we had to switch up the order and timing to keep our sex life good.
Ask yourself and your spouse some questions around the “when” of your sex life:
When do you typically crave sex the most?
How late is too late to have great sex, based on your level of tiredness?
How early is too early to have great sex, based on your level of tiredness?
When am I alert and ready for sex? When can I give it my all? When can I be fully present and focus on the connection?
What makes the most sense for our routine?
This is not to say you should only have sex at those ideal times. Sometimes you need to have sex tired. In some seasons, you’re almost always going to be tired. It’s still important to have sex whether the “when” is ideal or not.
But it’s not a bad idea to be thinking and talking about when you have sex with your spouse. It matters.
Take the Spice it Up Sex Challenge for more ways to amp up the fun and connection in your marriage bed. This challenge gives you 18 fun ways to connect with your spouse — try to complete all 18 in 30 days! You can do it!!
Written by Christina Dodson, COO of Awesome Marriage
Christina is our Chief Operations Officer and Co Host of the Awesome Marriage Podcast. Christina has been married to her husband Dylan for 10 years. Christina loves the local church, doing ministry, and helping people improve their marriages. You can follow Christina on Instagram.