Reasons Your Sex Life Isn’t Awesome: Lack of Communication

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When was the last time the two of you had a conversation about your sex life? How often does your sex life become an issue in your marriage? Picture everything you ever dreamed of for your sex life. How would you rate your marriage in relation to that picture?

Since we live in a culture that puts such an emphasis on sex, you would think that most people would have really good sexual relationships in their marriage. Yet, that does not seem to be the case. Will communicating about your sex life instantly make it a 10? Probably not. But it will be a big step in the right direction.

Let’s go back to the basics. God created us male and female. The physical differences are obvious but the other differences that affect our emotions and the way we look at things, especially sex, are often worlds apart. God wants us to learn about each other. He wants us to learn to embrace all of our differences in a way that draws us closer to each other. He gave us sex as a gift to be enjoyed in marriage and one way this can all begin to make sense and come together for us is through communication.

You may be asking, “Where do we start?” The answer is deciding together to be intentional about improving your sex life. Then rate it together. If you rate it a 5, the next question for you to discuss is what will it take to make it a 10? Talk about what you like and don’t like. Talk about what each of you could change and what you want to remain the same. Then take this conversation from the living room to the bedroom.

Follow through with what you discussed and continue the communication as you engage in sex and then afterward. I’m not trying to make your sex life clinical, but part of continued communication is a big part of being intentional. Your takeaway is this: No matter where your sex life is today, it can be better.  Plus, working on it together can actually be a lot of fun!


Need a jumpstart in the sex department? The Spice it Up Sex Challenge for more ways to amp up the fun and connection in your marriage bed. This challenge gives you 18 fun ways to connect with your spouse — try to complete all 18 in 30 days! You can do it!!