One to Ten, Part 1

As we continue to look at “love,” how would you rate your love in your marriage today on a one to 10 scale, with 10 being amazing?” There are no wrong answers. Sure, you may wish your number was higher than it is but we have to have a starting place. 

Over our years of marriage, I think Nancy and I have hit every number at some point. We had our ones and twos. Most of them were in the early years of our marriage but still reared their head at times years into our marriage. We learned to address the issues and resolve them before we got stuck. If you are a one or a two - or even a zero - there is hope. You can really only go one direction, and that is up. Three is the first step up for a number of people and a sign that things are slipping for others. I think fours, fives, sixes, and sevens can be the most difficult. Our marriage is not where we would like it to be but it’s not bad enough to do anything about it. These couples can get complacent. They can become the couch potatoes of marriage. They are in the game but they are not moving. 

Then there are eights and nines, and believe me or not, they can be a problem for some. Sure there is celebration when we hit these numbers, but some couples or individuals will take it that they won and the race is over. Do you know what that will do for your marriage? It will take you back to a five or less. Staying at an eight or a nine year after year takes effort. It takes a lot of effort. It takes a lot of forgiveness, empathy and compromise. It’s truly putting God first and your spouse second every day. It’s being a servant as Jesus modeled so well for us. Guess what happens when you do those things? Your marriage keeps getting better and the better it gets the better you forgive, compromise, show empathy, and serve. Can you even imagine what this marriage would be like? I can. We have been there. Don’t get me wrong, we are not there every day, but it is our goal every day. We have tasted the fruit and it is sweet. We are motivated to fight to stay there. No one and nothing can rob us of this. 

I left out 10 but I left it out on purpose. For us 10 is the ultimate and 10 really does make us think we have arrived. So for Nancy and me, although we will strive for a 10, we will never say we are there. That keeps us on track. It keeps us looking for new ways to grow. It makes each new day something to look forward to. Today as I am writing I would give us an 8. On the day you read this if you want to know where we are on that day email me at drkim@awesomemarriage.com and I will tell you!

Next time, Nancy joins me and we share our tale on One to Ten.