Insights from Dr. Kim - Staying in Neutral

I have a firm belief that our marriages either move forward or backward. I don’t think they just stay in neutral. Let’s look at this. My marriage moves forward when I keep things in the right order, which is God first and Nancy second. Keeping God first does a number of really good things for me. It keeps my focus on what God has for me and what He wants for me. He has given me a wife to love and do life with.

Everything in the Bible that talks about marriage involves two. There are Adam and Eve. There is “two become one flesh.” There is male and female; husband and wife. There is no “me” in marriage. Doing marriage God’s way replaces “me” with “me” in the equation. At my best on my own, I am selfish. At my best with God, I am unselfish. Being unselfish: that is His plan for me. Then when I get to part two of this equation, I am in a really good place to put Nancy where He wants me to - right behind Him, which moves my marriage forward.  

Let’s say Nancy and I have a clone couple. We are Couple A and they are Couple B. Couple A is doing all we just talked about. Their marriage is moving forward. Couple B is just like Couple A in every way, every day except they are not doing anything we talked about above. There is no God first and spouse second. They are just doing life. They live in the same house and pay their bills. They don’t fight much. They know their marriage could be better but they think they are just parking in “neutral” for this season. Five years from today Couple A is rocking it! They are having an awesome marriage. On the other hand, Couple B is still in “neutral.” One day the wife says, “Let’s start working on our marriage. I like where Couple A has their marriage.” Her husband agrees, but what they find is that in the five years that have passed, they have drifted farther apart and they really have no idea where to start.

We all have a choice today. Can you imagine where your marriage would be in five years if every day, with God’s help, you put Him first and your spouse second? Don’t get duped into thinking you can just stay in “neutral” and work on it later. It just does not work that way. Why not today? Why not shift out of “neutral” and start moving forward? Don’t miss out on all God has for your marriage!