Insights from Dr. Kim - Bored?

When I met Nancy in college, I swept her off her feet...or maybe it was the other way around.  Anyway, we could literally not spend enough time together. I would wait for her after class to walk her to the next one. We would meet for lunch and dinner almost every day. We did fun things on the weekend. We talked about everything. We saw each other every day, and when school breaks came and we were apart, we counted down the days until we could be together again.

Then when we took the step towards marriage, we were ecstatic. Now we would not have to be apart anymore. We could spend more time together plus we would get to sleep side by side night after night. For the most part, the ecstatic feeling has lasted over the years of our marriage. Sure, we have had lots of rough times, but a lot more great times.  

When I Googled the top current relationship problems and found “boredom” as one of the most common ones, honestly, I didn’t get it. Of course, I have seen couples in counseling who said they were bored in marriage, but it is not an issue that I see that often. It’s certainly not up there with finances, fighting, infidelity, or sex problems. Yet, as I think about it, if a couple was not bored with each other, maybe the other issues would not be as prominent.  

Are you bored in your marriage? If you answer “yes” or “maybe,” I have an idea. Instead of moving to one of the above mentioned issues, how about working on the boredom? Think about this. There was a time in your relationship that you would never have put the “bored” label on it.  Right? What happened? My guess is that you just slid into boredom a little at a time.

Let’s go back to Nancy and I. One of the things we have done well is be intentional about each other. We are intentional to carve out time to be together and enjoy each other. It has paid off for us and can for you too. Just do not stay stuck! Be intentional. Spend time together. Make a list of things to do together and start doing them. Talk. Listen. Laugh. Remember the fun you used to have together and then take it to a whole new level.  

You have a choice: boredom or enjoying marriage together. What will you choose?