Insights from Dr. Kim: All About Time

How much time did you spend with your spouse yesterday? How about the day before? How much time do you plan to spend with your spouse this coming weekend? The amount of time a couple spends together seems to correlate very closely to how they view their marriage. Is marriage a top priority or not? Most of us say it is, but does the time we devote to our spouse reflect that? 

I totally get that there are different seasons in a marriage when there is more margin for time than others. Kids take time. School takes time. Getting a career or home business started takes time. Yet in the midst of all of these distractions, time with your spouse each day is essential. Depending on the season you are in, the amount of time will vary from couple to couple. Here is my counsel. Whether you have five minutes a day, 15 minutes or an hour or more, make it the most connected five minutes, 15 minutes, or hour that it can be. That means focus on each other. Talk, listen, share, pray. Connect.

I counseled a couple a few years ago and the wife was begging for more time with her husband. We came up with a plan that they would spend at least 30 minutes together every day. The following week when they came back to see me, I sensed something was not quite right. The husband was smiling but the wife was not. I asked them how they did with their 30 minutes of time together each day. The husband was ecstatic. He said, “Man, I nailed it. I spend an hour every day with her.” Then the wife gave her version. She said, “Yes, we sat on our couch together an hour each evening BUT the TV was on and he never once said a word.” I learned a lot from that couple. When I talk about spending time together, I need to be very clear in how that is defined!  

If we want our marriages to grow; if we want to be best friends, lovers, and soul mates, we have to make quality time together a priority. So how did you answer the time questions at the first of the blog? Is that enough? Is it quality? Does it work for both of you? If you just gave me three yeses, keep it up! If not, will you commit together to make quality time together every day an absolute for your marriage? It is a decision that I promise you will never regret!

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