5 Ways to Improve Your Married Sex Life
In marriage, sex is a gift that keeps on giving. Enjoying this gift helps fortify our union. In this blog I’ll share 5 ways to better enjoy your sex life in marriage. Unwrap and savor - God didn’t give this gift just to have it sit on the shelf!
Why does it matter? Besides being fun and feeling great, married sex unites a couple. It protects the marriage from temptations and disunity, and releases hormones that induce bonding. These attributes are unique to married sex, since the physical, emotional, and spiritual mechanisms are united under the covenant of marriage to support the unity and oneness in marriage.
It takes time and intentionality to get on the same page with married sex. So many couples don’t know how to really engage in good conversations to get the most of their sex life. We created an online course to help! Click below to learn more.
It goes all the way back to the beginning. Genesis 2 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
We may not always feel shameless when we are naked. We may have insecurities or feel uncertain, but we can ask God to continue to set us free from those, to help us fully enjoy physical intimacy with our spouse, and we can build greater trust with our spouse to help us feel more comfortable.
5 Ways to Improve Your Married Sex Life
Read the Song of Solomon and notice the way the couple completely enjoys each other. The language isn’t modern, but yes, it all means what you are probably thinking it does! There’s no inhibition, just pure enjoyment. Our bodies were created to fit perfectly together. God created us; he is not surprised that sex feels great! He created our bodies to enjoy touch and experience sexual pleasure.
2. Talk about what you want in your sex life with each other. Another thing we can learn from this couple is to talk about what we want in our sex life together. So, no I don’t necessarily recommend comparing your spouse’s hair to goats or their teeth to sheep, but it is helpful to share with each other what you want in your sexual relationship. Many couples never talk about sex - they only argue about it. Talking about sex outside of the moments when you’re having sex will help you to both see more of what you want to take place in your sex life, and will help you stay on the same page about it. (If you need help talking about sex, try our Love Making Survey).
3. Stay at the comfort level of the one who is least comfortable. No matter what you both want and decide to try, always stay at the comfort level of the one who is least comfortable. Both spouses’ comfort level is equally valid, but since it does take two to tango, always defer to the less comfortable spouse’s boundary. Your spouse needs to know they are respected and can trust you completely with this. Trust in the bedroom is essential for great sex.
4. Connect the other 23 hours of the day. Your level of connection throughout the day carries over into the bedroom. Make sure to keep short accounts: apologize and forgive freely. Conflict that has not been resolved will inhibit your connection. Make sure there is plenty of non-sexual touching every day. Hugging, hand holding, a back rub, kisses; all of these are bonding and help you to connect.
5. Make your sexual relationship a priority. Decide to unwrap the gift and keep unwrapping; don’t miss out on the growth and closeness your marriage can experience from great married sex. Pray for God to help the sex in your marriage be just like He created it to be. Remember, He knows what He’s given us in this gift. Enjoying your sex life helps your marriage to not just survive, but to thrive.
For ideas on how to have more fun and connection in your sex life, check out our Spice it Up Sex Challenge! It’s easy to get into a mundane routine and forget how to have fun and excitement in the marriage bed. We created this challenge as a fun way to try a few new things and have a playful goal to work toward.